Son refuses to move back in with parents in order to save money while in college, leading to a dispute during family vacation: ‘I need my independence’

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    AITA for “ruining" a family vacation because I don't want to move into my parents basement
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    I am 22M going on 23, in my 5th year of my undergrad, and my family likes to do long vacations every summer in their camper. They were traveling all summer and we met up with them, and from the moment we met up with
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    them my dad especially has not talked to me or been very nice towards me. He had his own share of stuff that happened on the trip with his truck which is what I initially thought the issue was.
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    After a few nights my mom brought up how they wanted to renovate their basement into a 1 bedroom apartment, partly so I can move in without rent, partly to raise the value of their house.
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    This year I had many problems with apartments, having to move 3 times because of roommates, ex girlfriends, and/or landlord issues, which led to my parents trying to convince me it would be best for me to move into their basement.
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    With my financial issues, they pitched it as a way for me to save money and stress. My brother has been following every piece of advice they give him and he is obviously favored because of this, on top of his major being one that
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    will start higher then I will probably ever end up with (I'm going to be a music teacher). I also had gotten caught smoking a few years ago which I still do and don't tell them, but I feel like if I tell them anything about my life it
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    immediately is followed by advice I didn't ask for or an opinion I didn't ask for. I told my family I didn't want to move into their basement because of the amount of fighting that happens whenever we live
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    together, on top of me wanting to live independently as I feel like I've always been reliant on my parents and in their shadows (my dad was my high school science teacher so I never felt like I was able to fully define who I was in school cause of that, another major issue we had back in the day).
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    Long story short, now my parents things I'm being stupid for not doing the more financially smart thing and moving back in with them, when I have a full time job as a manager of a restaurant on top of going to school. It's stressful
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    but not as bad for my mental health as me living with them full time. I'm in a bit of credit card debt but nothing a few months of work couldn't fix. Now I just feel like no matter what I say to them I will be of the family for not the
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    taking their charity when I just want to live my own life and figure out who I am outside of them. They still so things like track my phone and refuse to let me have
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    my own bank account, and are still trying to pay for my school, but I feel like no matter what I do from if I don't here I will be the follow their "advice"
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    FuzzyMom2005 · 2 days ago Commander in Cheeks [214] NTA but I'm struggling to understand something. If you are living on your own and paying your own bills, why are you letting them run your life? And they can pit in an apartment and "raise the value of their house" without you living there. Unless you're expected to pay for this renovation.
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    Per your other comments, what are you paying them for anyway? My advice: Take 360 off your phone, now. Open your own account today and transfer all your money to it. Just because your parents SAY your can't transfer money to them doesn't make it so.
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    mysterymachine702 OP. 2 days ago They still help somewhat with finances atm, mostly through my tuition. When I started school 4 years ago they made a deal that they'd pay for my tuition and I would owe them money through a loan to them instead of a bank. My
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    18 year old self thought it was genius...the stuff I pay them for now mostly is just insurance and/or paying back bills I owe them from previous years of school, which makes it really hard to just cut them off since I am in debt to them
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    FuzzyMom2005 · 2 days ago Commander in Cheeks [214] You can still pay them from a different bank. Do whatever you can to get on your own insurance. Then make sure you know, to the penny, what you owe them. You can set up automated payments
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    through your bank to cut them a check. It's usually free. Or a transfer via Zelle. Good luck. You deserve to be independent.
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    mysterymachine702 OP 2 days ago Thank you, I appreciate the advice. I still have work to do before I am fully independent but I at least have ideas on what to do from here to get myself started. Thank you!
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    Ashes_falldown · 2 days ago Partassipant [4] INFO: How are they able to track your phone or not allow you to open your bank account? Why is it taking you 5 years to get a undergrad degree? Why have you had so many problems with your past living arrangements?
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    mysterymachine702 OP 2 days ago . edited 2 days ago Sure, A) they installed life 360 on my phone when I was 15 or 16 and make a big deal out of it anytime I bring up how it makes me uncomfortable, they won't let me open a bank account cause then they say I can't then transfer money to them
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    B) I switched my major 2.5 years in, my parents didn't want me to go for music so I went for business economics and hated it. Now actually going for what I want to do
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    C) The reason I had to move so much is 1) ex girlfriend had me move in with her then the next day dumped me and tried to steal my stuff, 2) ex- roommate had a major crush on me and tried to kick me out when I didn't reciprocate by calling animal control on my cat (she's literally fine without
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    issues) and going to the landlord saying all kinds of untrue stuff about how tidy and loud I was (my friends live upstairs and told my landlord all of this, but he wouldn't kick my old roommate out so I left) and 3) the last apartment moved out of didn't have ac during a 100 degree+ heat wave and had to get lawyers and all kinds of stuff involved
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    Ashes_falldown · 2 days ago Partassipant [4] Thanks for the replies. To be honest, I'm actually on the fence a bit. You're 22, why are you still using the phone your parents put 360 on? Get rid of it and get your own plan. Go to a bank and open your own account. You're an adult, you don't need their permission to do either of those things.
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    No AC during a heatwave is not fun, but to break a lease because of it? Kind of a stupid move and I'm saying this as someone who doesn't have AC and had to go through heatwaves. Next time get a portable AC or move after the lease is done and make sure the new place has AC.
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    I think I'm going to go with ESH. Your parents are too controlling, but it doesn't sound like you are doing anything to put a stop to it or step up to prove that you are able to make good decisions.
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    mysterymachine702 OP 2 days ago That's a valid argument, I have been thinking that I haven't done enough prepping up till now for a move like fully cutting myself off, so I completely see your argument.
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    They didn't want me to work while in school so I just now started working about 4-5 months ago and am still working to get out of some debt I had set up since I was only working summers and holidays and usually spent that time to just pay off debt.
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    As for breaking the lease, surprising my landlord actually was the one who broke it because I kept bugging them about how hot my apartment was when I was the only apartment in my complex without ac. They even have HVAC people come in to install it but they refused because the price was "astronomical," so instead they broke my lease
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    jsbleez 2 days ago Enthusiast [9] NTA, but ive read all of you comments thus far. do not move in with them they dont need anymore leverage. second open another bank account and keep the old one. you can transfer money to your old account for them to get. either take life 360 off your phone
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    or go get your own phone plan. you're trying your doing good. its a lot to take on but take it one step at a time to untangle your self. think of this like taking out a knot you can either get some scissors and cut or you pull it little bit out at a time.
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    mysterymachine702 OP · 2 days ago That's honestly an amazing piece of advice, I never thought about doing it little by little to try and get myself out of it. I appreciate you taking the time to help with the advice :)

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